We have realized..

In mending someone's heart, at times you break yours
And then while collecting the broken pieces, you break some more
In supporting someone's cause, at time you lose yours
And then while revolting against the sea, you lose some more

In handling someone's life, at times you betray yours
And then while defending yourself, you betray some more

In building someone's dream, at times you reflect yours
And while reflecting in the shattered ones, you dream some more

In being someone's shadow, at times you neglect yours
And then while you're trying to find your own, you neglect some more

An old post that you and I wrote long ago..

these stains..

When the sun shines bright!
They merge in the highlight on my skin.
They try to hide, they think they blend in.
These stains...
When the sun goes down!
In the shadows they mask.
In the high contrast they camouflage.
These stains... 

long awaited thanks..

Appreciation as a blogger is very encouraging
Thanks for nominating me for "The Versatile Blogger award" Purvi ( https://puplumages.wordpress.com/ ) 
And I love how you described it.. (^_^)
"A truly bizarre blog waiting to be discovered!"
No description could be better than this!
And sorry for noticing this very very late.   

 

Here are the rules for the Versatile Blogger Award :

1. Nominate 10-15 fellow bloggers 2. Inform the bloggers of their nomination3. Share 7 random things about yourself4. Thank the blogger who nominated you5. Add the Versatile Blogger Award Pic on your blog post.

Random things about myself :
Sly scurrilous eloquence berried in a pithy sham quiescence.
Aloof i veer in tranquil, like a pert woebegone Veteran... 
(Exaggeration was intended, but I'm there somewhere)
The Bloggers I nominate are :
http://glory-window.blogspot.in/
http://thudmaniac.blogspot.in/
http://wanderdust.blogspot.in/
http://thegumprintingproject.wordpress.com/
http://busyaarrrr.blogspot.in/
http://sanjyot.tumblr.com/
http://lemonylollipops.blogspot.in/
http://yashasvimathis.blogspot.in/
http://manavimana.blogspot.in/ 

‎"Things didn't go the way they were planned."

I would write it that way cuz it sounds good.
But the truth is.. There was no plan as such..
Despite that I saw something shatter into pieces.
How could I if nothing absolute ever existed,
but I wouldn't deny something did in the
blur of my denial. 
Although its obsolete now.

Which means there was something.. 
Lost in the difference between these two words, 
absolute and obsolete.

Slight difference in the spelling but a vast 
difference in the meaning. Which was lost
in denial. And it was in that moment of blur 
that I lost you.

And I could only distinguish that after the loss!
When I learnt the meanings of those words
I realized
what could be absolute was completely obsolete now.

I learn how much I love you.. more and more,
every time I describe what I lost.

BUT, When friends ask me to speak up, I say...
Things just didn't go the way they were planned.

monsoon never left, nor did hope

You are the prism that refracted me and split me into multiple reflections. I was not aware if it was even possible considering me being the ray of light which is an irony in itself. I scattered to explore my being, to acknowledge my existence, to believe the different possibilities i was capable enough to stretch to. Prism now seemed more like a diamond because, what it had given me was precious. It took the restrained and captivated me and hung me on the third bar. I felt like a kite flying high and the limitless sky started to seem as my territory. But true that it is be it bitter good things rarely last long. Its the same phenomenon as the change of seasons, its probably mandatory at least that is what I tell myself. But the twist in my story was that monsoon had never left, it was just one of days when sky clears out and everything starts to seem fresher and newer, yes it was like one of those days and I realized you were neither the prism nor the diamond, you were merely a drop amongst millions of other drops, and us meeting was just a coincidence I try to tell myself cuz the speed at which i was falling and the speed at which you were falling were way too different but it was fateful that we met, otherwise I would have never known that i was capable of emitting not just colors but a raibow that spreads all over the sky. I still remember your philosophy of love, you said love is momentary, well so was the day and hence the rainbow and i couldn't help but believe this to be LOVE. So, again I got summoned in gloom cuz the feeling of being capable of something so beautiful all thanks to you was so strong that I could never let go of it. That day after you left it rained heavily and many more days after that and the monsoon remained just as hope did of another such day when the sky would clear and I would meet some other drop just like you, that would refract me again. If you wondered why not the same drop then the reason is cuz I know I wont meet the same drop again but it will always remain as one of the best descriptions of my life. 
I live in the hope of another such experience, even though i will have to struggle to feel the same but i have to keep hoping cuz If this hope dies i will have nothing left worth living for any more.

Solitary Retreat

What people follow from my writings is that I write about you, But that is just how i mask it, there is more to what i write, there is more that i just hide, and  the truth is that people have nothing to do with my writings, only you do cuz they are written to you. I write to you and let it fly like a wish from the eyelash hoping that it reaches you, but don't want you to find me or see the look on your face while you are reading it so i disappear in the crowd, its I who has been hiding and still continue to hide. And i will continue to keep hiding till you find me cuz i long for that.

And there are even times when i write and don't let my words fly still i want you to know, but i know its just not possible, so i store it in my solitary retreat, the only place i can vent from time to time. Its my secret hiding place, which i long for you to find.

"a question unaswered"

a conversation between me and my friend which happened to rhyme....courtesy Deepmala Dutta

Me - what should one do NOW if questions like - "is this what i want to do?' arise.. I get startled

Friend - stop thinking.... you are a designer.noboundaries..do anything you want...design a plane or paper bag doesn't matter

Me - its a little different this time.

Friend - as in?

Me - maybe i hae crossed the line.

Friend - is it that you dnt want to design?.. become an engineer?

Me - :\ don't ask!

Friend - asking...

Me - i see something shining from the corner of my eye,
i dont wish to keep looking behind,
strings attached tied to the ground,
i want to fly, way up there i could scream my heart out,
and still there wont be any sound.

Friend - poet?

Me - i wont say!
its been in grave,
but sometimes
dead rise to haunt,
that is what it is.

Friend - say naa..

"The question remains unanswered  and it still continues to haunt"

sweet scent 'o' memories

I try to reach you
in the lyrics of the
songs i listen to
Browsing through the
playlist on my phone
we even spend some time
I suddenly smile when
someone is speaking to me
cuz i get drenched
in your memory
And i feel our silence
communicate in every
word i write
I adapt to your habbits
whenever you are not around
cuz it makes me want to smile
And i dont even leave
the left over ice
for it makes that soft crushing sound
So again i get drenched
in the soft rain of your thoughts
which always fills me up with joy
Its then that i see you smiling wide
and you make me want to smile
I like getting drenched in your memory
cuz then i can smile all day while

Just these shades...

a splash of color stretched vividly,
not on an empty canvas
but on an art piece in shades of grey,
either extremes possible,
but the best written in fate,
adding a surreal meaning to this colorless truth,
turning it into fiction,
into a beautiful composition indeed,
both so amused with life,
just with company high is attained,
a relative quotient that multiplies,
when brought togather,
cuz you are the best company ever,
and the timid selves that we are,
is a mutual substance,
that gets us to back each other for support,
i say its magical and its best,
cuz its mutual and its unsaid,
its nice when we just play all the time,
i throw words you create rhyme,
pick a beat tap the ground,
step ahead with the sound,
and dance our heart out,
feels like just hallucinating,
to be able to surpass the world around,
this all must seem redundant,
but to me this just isn't enough,
to be able to share the joy of this day,
the joy of your presence,
of your existence in my life,
just these are the shades that color my frame,
and thats all this day is about for me,
happy birthday koodi sonpapdi.

Feedback..

When you showed me the kind of connection you have had

and the kind of relation you share with them - you asked me for a feedback

"what could have i said, its difficult to put few things in words"

finally this is what i could say

i'll  explain  you  with  an  example

example  of  me,  after  what  i  saw

a  treasured  memorandum

an  adventuruous  journey  of  ur  life

i  feel  a  brute  fruition

in  a  hollow  space  inside

which  has  shrunk  my  heart  even  more

cuz  i've  realized  what  a  dead  soul  i  am...

i  try  to  recall  if  i  have  ever  connected  that  way..

i  wanted  to  connect,  there  was  a  need  to  connect

so  i  did,

to  fiction,  to  dreams..

i  literally  lived  in  a  virtual  world..

what  connection  i  saw  was  a  devine  connection

something  which  i  really  look  up  to  now  and  even  wonder

"how  does  it  feel  to  connect  with  real  people?"

have  i  even  known  that  feeling???

"its  a  big  hint  to  do  i  know  how  does  it  feel  to  connect  with  real  people"

all  these  people,  whatever  idea  they  have  about

each  other  and  friendship  is  because  they  got  to  know  you.

"i used to close my eyes to real things, but now i dont" -

cuz i know that you are real

P.S i love you

While watching ps i love u
got this vision..
time is seperating us
but i m trying to hold on tight..
i see holding ur hand
but being pulled apart to the full stretch
i cant leave you now
how jerry had a plan...
i see you having too..
but just this thought,
got me terribly worried
of the day wen our college days will end
i dont wanna lose you
i will make an attempt
i'm going to have a plan
i will love you till the END..

Feelings put in words when i lost what once was mine

Want to feel like a free falling entity,
weightless,
heart doesen't seem to pump blood properly,
arteries feel clogged,
be it for a fraction of second
i want all the blood in my body
to flow with full force,
this release of pressure
might be painful,
be it like a bleeding fountain,
i have to bear it,
cuz a part of them i took
which didn't belong to me,
needs to be free,
wish it could burst out all at once
and release me, releive me.

Doubtful mind

I really wonder how our mind grows
till an age there is no sense and sensibility
Things totally changed
ever since my mind developed,
i have had an improved level of intellect
i started thinking over things cuz i was able to judge and justify
since then the debate within me about myself has been going on
i never liked people being judgemental about me,
their comments always made a huge impact on me
they made me conscious, they made me change..
that is another thing i hated
ever since ive got brains enough to think
alot has changed....
now i wonder upon the misty past
try to wipe the window pane to see clear
still cannot see what was it then
how was it then
was i happy???
or am i happy now...
i know it wont change back to what it was
though must have been good
whatever be the case..
i know i do believe in fate
and whatever be the change
my instincts tell me they were for good
hence, it will be
if it were for bad
it would have been difficult to accept.
but still i dont know why
i wish things could remain the same

Imagination

Full of spirit
Flying high,
So high that I
touched the sky,
Wind would blow
like music notes flow,
With a murmuring sound
they created a rhyme...
looking at the clouds
my stomach did growl,
Felt like cotton candies
melting in my mouth,
Beyond all the layers
of atmosphere
where there is space,
i was dancin and shinin
with stars in grace...
Now i know
where i stand,
with my mind intact
imaginatioon lets me
create an impact
turn it to real
and even beyond
as if it were
some spooky spell
or mabe it was
a magic wand...

Nostalgic me :

Sly scurrilous eloquence berried in a pithy sham quiescence.
aloof i veer in tranquil, like a pert woebegone veteran...

Masked in Highlights

Amidst the combat of the opposites,
There is a power that resists,
Within the two-faced man,
A Guardian exists....

With all the risks,
He is no frail....

His existence is vital....

Between both the extremes,
with his shroud like attire
he masks his presence...

Behind the screen made out of reflection
He lives unseen....

"My Surrender"

I surrender to thee
................to thy blessing
that dost shower upon me
a tumbler full insufficient
hast been a single drop
quenches my thirst

I thank thee! almighty
for he's the perfect present
thou blessing to me
the most fruitful drop
inevitably pure................

Answers to this surrender
gives reasons of my faith
to him and to thee
thus i surrender!!

The end

Walking away silently..
tip toeing like a thief..
what wrong have i done..
that i feel bad..
i dont get sleep..
maybe there is something..
inside very deep..
where even i dont dare..
dare to peep..
please dont try..
dont try to reach..
that deep end inside..
where everything ends..
where the only way to reach..
is a route which is very steep..
with unpredictable dangers..
and walls blood red..
its burning hot inside..
and the scene is totally sad..
but i see someone in the end..
someone scary..
who lives there..
where there's no way out..
life seems very hard..
which has made him scary..
and he acts like a retard..
but now he has learnt..
to live over there..
to accept his retarded life..
to accept his scary self..
so he stays inside..
although he sees hope..
a ray of light..
but he wont see things..
clearly outside..
its better he believes..
theres no way out..
and stays there..
where its dark..
in the end..

"The day i touched the moon" (2-oct-09)

The day

when you kissed me for the first time
i felt like i touched the moon
which is so high that no one can reach
now which i wont get to see soon
cuz ur goin far away, as far as the moon

the day
when you stopped talking to me after we fought
i felt like a song you like a lot
which is the first song in your playlist
but you dont listen to it anymore
cuz it reminds you of the nice time we had spent before 

the day
when i was getting married to you
i felt like a page added to a diary 
in which you daily write
few things about your life
cuz you want to remember them always

the day
when you hugged me tight on our 50th aniversary
i felt like a shoe you had worn
which you still like to wear
although it has got badly torn
which you will wear for more aniversary's ahead 

but now
when i recall old days i cry
cuz i dont know if i'll ever get to touch the moon again
feels lyk the song you like is PLAYing but is going to end soon
feels like the diary you write daily still has alot of pages 
but is about to reach its last stage soon
feels like you wont b able to wear that shoe anymore
feels like i am incomplete now but still hope to see you soon
after we get reincarnated into a new world and meet each other again
till then i'll wait to feel how it feels like to touch the moon

Don’t be the one you never wanted to be

Don’t be the one you never wanted to be
Being yourself is the safest thing to be
I don’t like change and i don’t like to see
But change for something good is always accepted by me

Don’t do something of which you are not sure
Always think twice before knocking a door
Don’t mistake cubs with cats if they don’t roar
But is taking risk wrong? I think the decision is all your

You never know what a herd is like
Just for instance we have two cases to see
Either you be a part of the herd
Or be amongst those who always wanted to be

If you are a part go far and see
And for those amongst -who wanted to be
Try coming closer you’ll get to see
Coz every one perceives things differently

I was a part of the herd so I went far to see
Then I lost the track and it kind of changed me
So be yourself it’s the safest side to be
Don’t be the one which you never wanted to be.